her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
