I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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