My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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