I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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