please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
