What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
