I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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