I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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