Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
