so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
