Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
