Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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