I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
