Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
