Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
