I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
