I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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