singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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