I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
