I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Green mimosas i think yes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
