Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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