I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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