I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize