look no pants
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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