It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
