I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
