Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
