Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
