you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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