Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
