If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
