wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
