You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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