It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
