Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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