There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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