Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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