He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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