I got chris browned last night
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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