I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
