wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
