Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
