i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
