Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
