Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
