New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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