youre lurking in front of me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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