I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
