Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
