Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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