dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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