If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
