Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
