I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
