Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
