my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
