Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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