I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
