I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
