Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
