In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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