i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize