Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got inside last night via doggy door
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
