I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
